Kurt raised his eyebrow. “Dramatic, much?” He asked. “All I did was criticize your recent eating habits.” The countertenor watched as Blaine tried to leave the props room they were assigned to organize together. The door didn’t open, and Kurt rolled his eyes. “Still locked. Still waiting for someone to decide they need a prop and come to our rescue. Remember? Or do you have the memory of one of those Goldfish crackers you’re always snacking on”
Kurt rolled his eyes, not letting go of Michael’s hand. Maybe coming back to Michael’s dorm room hadn’t been the best idea considering he was currently roommate with Kurt’s exboyfriend, but could Blaine get more hypocritical than he was currently being?
"Maybe you should have thought about that before you decided to transfer to my school without a word. I have a system here that works. If you don’t like that, it’s not my problem. Can you leave now? I don’t think you want to see or hear what we’re about to do"
Kurt closed his eyes, as if shutting out the vision of the world around him was somehow going to protect him against Blaine’s words. His attempt failed, however, and the words pierced into him like nothing had in quite some time. When Kurt had gone through everything he had last year, he had learned to be alone. Despite the fact he had more support than ever, and he had learned to accept help and lean on people, he didn’t let people get romantically involved in his life. How could he? It wasn’t just that his boyfriend was dead, it was the circumstances of how and why he had died. There was so much more to it than the simple fact he was gone. There was too little Kurt could make sense of, and the idea of bringing someone else into that terrified him. Once a hopeless romantic with a fear of intimacy, he found it easier to make himself accept one night stands as a part of his life than he did to imagine himself one day being someone’s boyfriend again.
Blaine had changed all of that. He had helped Kurt put down those walls and realize he didn’t have to be scared. Relationships didn’t have to be like the one he had just gotten out of in the most disturbing and tragic way, and he could be okay and learn to actually enjoy them. He really cared about Blaine…hell, he probably loved Blaine but that was a level of commitment he was scared to consciously admit to. He was letting himself get attached to a person as more than a friend for the first time since Sky’s death and, despite how terrifying this all was for him, he was giving it his all.
And Blaine still didn’t feel wanted. He still couldn’t do enough to make his boyfriend feel wanted. Kurt was still this emotionless and detached shell of his former self who couldn’t be boyfriend material. Kurt could have assured Blaine that he was wanted, but if he didn’t believe Kurt not running after spending two months together meant anything, a few simple words weren’t going to change anything.
"I’m sorry" He replied quietly before standing up and slowly walked across the room, his strides quiet and small, but prideful. He wasn’t going to beg Blaine for anything, he was going to keep his dignity. "I guess we’re just classmates now? So I’ll see you in Cassie’s class tomorrow."
Kurt excused himself from Blaine’s dorm room before making a brisk pace for the stairwell. Once out of the hallway, he gripped onto the railing for a few seconds. Deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out.
After all of this, it looked like Kurt was back to his seedy one night stands. He might not have totally understood them, but they made a hell of a lot more sense than being in love.
- [text] Ball gags were invented for a reason.
- [text] Wow, that was kind of blunt. But so was your text. Who the hell sends something like that out of nowhere!?
- [text] That’s just not healthy. But I suppose there’s worse things in the world. Like, you know, obsessively eating cronuts day in and day out. I’m close friends with your roommate, remember? Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?
- [text] Was it that redhead with the blue eyes? Samantha? Don’t do it, she’s known for running scams at this school.
- [text] Also because abusing ADHD medication is wrong. That’s what I meant to lead with.
- [text] Oh boy, we’re doing this tonight.
- [text] Okay, nope, I have no response to this, except to remind you that you’re the one who chose not to come to New York with me. But at this point, I’m starting to sound like a broken record.
- [text] Wait, what do thin mints have to do with anything
- [text] Don’t answer that
- [text] Blaine, did you buy drugs off that homeless man we pass up all the time? I told you not to make eye contact with him.
- [text] Was I really that bad last night?
[unsent text] I think we need to have a conversation about what that actually means. Getting really drunk at a bar isn’t okay for me…I’ve been doing so well but one thing lead to another and…Blaine, this isn’t a normal ‘I had a few drinks and now I have a hangover’ kind of screw up…I have a problem. I can’t drink at all. I can’t control my drinking except by completely avoiding alcohol and I just lost months of sobriety
- [text] I think you’re exaggerating. I happen to know I’m a very coherent drunk.